Why do so many of us struggle with the cycle of self sabotage?
So, this should be an interesting post, as I have to laugh at my own self a little for falling into this self-destructive, sneaky, and to put it more blunty, shitty cycle of self sabotage.
Let’s start with its definition. What is self sabotage? If you want a more precise and scholarly answer, click on the link. But I’d rather just explain it to you in my own words.
I’ve never really been one to go by the book…
Anyhow, in my own words and experience with the cycle of self sabotage, it basically means exactly those words. To sabotage – deliberately wreck, destroy, damage or obstruct. And self – well, that would be oneself, as in you, or me.
Basically, when we know we are doing well, and realize things are looking up, we freak out and panic. We have to balance it, because we figure it’s bound to end up tragically anyway.
Why do we do this to ourselves? There are so many of us who purposefully trip our own selves up, just when we start to achieve our goals.
The worst part is, most of the time we know we’re doing it, once we start falling backwards. Is it that we just can’t help it? Do we really want to fail?
Here are a few things I’ve discovered about the cycle of self sabotage, and why we do it:
- Our own self-worth – Feeling as though you’re undeserving of happiness can often lead to self sabotage. I think we all feel the need to have a sense of balance, and when things start feeling like they’re going too good, we may feel that we need to balance the scale. It can be scary when things seem to be going “too well”, so we tend to try and fix this by creating a new conflict.
- The need to be in control – I know that with having anxiety, the need to feel in control of things is something I struggle with. I think we are all guilty of this in one way or another. So even if things are going well, we may feel that something negative is bound to happen. Instead of waiting for something to happen that may catch us off guard, we tend to make it happen, thus avoiding being caught off guard by something that may or may not even occur.
- Familiarity – It’s easier to stay in this comfort zone of familiar feelings and situations, versus facing the changes of something new – even if the change is better for us. Positive feelings, or becoming better at something can be scary when you’re not used to the newfound emotions that come along with it.
- Just because we can – If things are going along fine, we may feel the urge to stir things up a bit, just to do it. If you’re used to chaos or drama, and suddenly all is peaceful, sometimes we decide, for whatever reason, to push buttons just to experience that rush that chaos tends to incite.
I don’t think we set out to succeed, only to force failure. I believe we just get scared, and we overthink our situation.
There are a multitude of ridiculous reasons as to why we tend to get caught up in the cycle of self sabotage. Once we can recognize the behavior, and understand why we’re feeling the urge to trip ourselves up, we can start working on breaking this negative pattern.
Working on one’s self-worth, accepting that we do deserve to succeed, and we do deserve to feel happiness is key. This can be a challenge, as it’s about creating new habits. Changing what you’ve been taught or have taught yourself to believe does take time and effort.
That does not mean it can’t be done.
Our successes, happiness, and even our failures are not dependent upon what someone else thinks. It only matters what we think of ourselves.
Don’t give up. If you find yourself getting caught up in the cycle of self sabotage, call yourself out. See it for what it is, and don’t allow this destructive behavior to bring you down!
I’m still learning how to do this myself. However, now that I understand what it is I’m doing, I’m able to work on stopping these negative thoughts and habits. I am learning to gain control of this negative behavior and negative self talk, and redirect it into a more positive direction.
It’s taking time, but I am worth it! You are worth it too! Don’t allow this negativity to bring you down. Get angry, become determined, and allow yourself to decide your destiny. It’s your life, your choice…no one else’s. Stand up and know that you can take control, it’s ok to be happy, it’s ok to be successful.
Because you DO deserve all of these things.
“Just because you fail once, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself because if you don’t, who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” – Marilyn Monroe