Other Mental Illnesses and Disorders, Soul Searching

Anger, Resentment, and My Borderline Mother

Anger, resentment, and my BPD mother
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Anger and resentment are holding me back from moving forward in my recovery from mental health.

I know in order to continue to heal and recover, I have to learn how to let go of the anger and resentment I feel. I have to learn how to forgive my mother, and everyone who chooses to be blind to her behavior. And I absolutely have to let go of my anger.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing her back into my life. Letting go doesn’t mean these things didn’t happen. I don’t need to do these things for her, I need to do them for me. My anger and resentment aren’t hurting anyone, except for me.

The hardest part is learning how to let go, learning how to forgive so I can move on. I’ve been trying to learn how to do this on my own, but so far I’ve been unsuccessful. I’m realizing I will need outside help to learn how.

The thing is, letting go of all of this anger and resentment I feel, letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings, is an absolute must. I feel like until I do this, I’m going to remain stuck.

hemp oil products | anger and resentment

I think this is one of the most difficult and frustrating things I’ve ever tried to do. I’ve been meditating, reading everything I can find about learning how to let go. These things are helping, but I feel like I’m missing some of the pieces. I think some of it is about working on myself, and getting myself to a better place.

It’s like you have to do this in steps. And you definitely need to have patience, because it is not an overnight transformation. I’ve wanted to give up, several times, but…I don’t. I’m going to make this happen for myself.

 

I refuse to let anger and resentment win

I deserve to make this happen for myself. I deserve to find inner peace and contentment. I am determined not to waste another moment of my life being miserable. I WILL NOT DO IT.


I’m going to keep going until I get it. And I know I’ll get it. If you’re struggling with feelings of anger and resentment, I promise, you really want to learn how to let them go. They will consume your life, eat your soul alive until there’s nothing left. Don’t let these thoughts and feelings win.

I made a video talking about my anger and resentment, and I share a little bit of what it’s like having a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. I also wrote a post about my BPD mother, and her self-destructive subtype, “The Witch” if you’d like to learn more.

Here’s the video if you’d like to check it out. If you’d like to see more of my videos, just subscribe to my channel. Now remember, I’m a mess, so I really can’t say when I’ll publish a new video…

I truly appreciate the kindness and support all of you have given me. You have no idea how much it mean to me.

~ Jess

 



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5 thoughts on “Anger, Resentment, and My Borderline Mother

  1. I have a lot of anger and hate towards my mother. As much as I tried, I can’t forgive her and I can’t let go. See the thing is she still calls, she still denies all the hurt and pain of my youth. So the most I can do is eliminate it. We don’t go over there, I avoid calls as much as I can bc everytime we talk, it’s an argument and I get so fired up. I just can’t do it. So eliminating that toxicity from my life and not allowing it in my children’s is the only thing I know how to do. If you find another way, please let me know. lol

  2. On trick that I’d recommend is this: Understand the indifference that your BPD mother has shown you, and practice being indifferent to the mercurial manifestations of the disorder. This doesn’t mean that you remain unaware, it simply means that you are unmoved by the madness. It’s your protective armor to avoid the colonization of your psychic space. I have to remember that I’m not dealing with anything that comprehends the nature of reality, so I have to become as indifferent as reality is to everything else. No contact may be your only option, but indifferent contact can be effective because it’s completely void of emotionally charged interaction. It’s the emotions that kill us.

  3. You are exactly right. Even though I’ve cut her out, it’s the emotions that truly are killing me…I have found myself in such a dark place recently, as the gravity and reality of what she’s done to me my entire life has hit me all at once…I’m trying to get past it so I can move forward in my life, but for some reason, I’m stuck. I can’t seem to get past the realization of the amount of damage she has caused, and what she’s taken from me that I can never get back.

I would love to hear your thoughts!

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